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Wes Clark is being lambasted for his comment on Face the Nation about McCain's military service. Let's do an instant replay, shall we?

CLARK: He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee. And he has traveled all over the world. But he hasn't held executive responsibility. That large squadron in the Navy that he commanded — that wasn't a wartime squadron. He hasn't been there and ordered the bombs to fall. He hasn't seen what it's like when diplomats come in and say, "I don't know whether we're going to be able to get this point through or not, do you want to take the risk, what about your reputation, how do we handle this publicly? He hasn't made those calls, Bob.
SCHIEFFER: Can I just interrupt you? I have to say, Barack Obama hasn't had any of these experiences either, nor has he ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down.
CLARK: I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become president.

Wes Clark has shown himself to be awfully shitty at playing politics. This was obvious during his halfhearted presidential run in 2004. (Full disclosure: I voted for him in the New York primary.) But regardless of whether I agree with his sentiment here (which I basically do) or whether it was a dumb thing to say in our soundbyte-centric society (which it was), what I was struck by was the structure of this conversation. Bob Schieffer was the one who actually said the offending phrase first: "ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down." People are treating this like Clark was the one who came up with this phrase, because it's the PHRASING, not the sentiment, that is causing the trouble here. As others have pointed out, John McCain himself has said in the past that his hostage experience alone does not qualify him for the presidency. That's fair game. What people are pissed about is that the phrase is casual and almost dismissive, even making it seem like becoming a hostage was HIS FAULT for just riding along and getting his dumb ass shot down. That's the problem. So it's ironic that Clark was just parroting what Schieffer said first. I don't think Wes Clark on his own would have classified John McCain's experience in Vietnam as just riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down -- that particular linguistic turn wouldn't have even occurred to him, as a lifelong military man. I mean, honestly, do people REALLY THINK that Wes Clark, of all people, would piss all over a fellow soldier like that? What he's pissing on is the idea that military heroism itself is a good enough qualification to lead the free world. He doesn't think it is, and I don't either.

Funnily enough, this whole thing reminded me of my dad's episode of NYPD Blue. The scene that episode is most remembered for, a scene my dad actually didn't write but ended up being the crux of the whole plot, involved the following dialogue, between Sipowicz and an angry black community activist:

Kwasi: You're dealing with the one n***** in a thousand who knows what you can and cannot do.
Sipowicz: I'm dealing with the n***** whose big mouth is responsible for this massacre.

Boom goes the goddamn dynamite. Doesn't matter if Kwasi said it first, Andy was in for some shit as soon as that word passed his lips. There is a slight complication here in that Sipowicz was actually a total racist, whereas Wes Clark is hardly anti-military. But seriously, in this country, there are some things you JUST. DON'T. SAY. You don't get to say the N-word if you're white. And you don't get to talk shit on a war hero, even by accident. There are probably others, but those two should be self evident at this point.

The Urban Outfitters on State Street has a neon shirt with Carlton's face silkscreened on the front. It is heinously ugly and absolutely hilarious. I may have to go back and buy it for myself; it's apparently not up on their website, but I found a completely un-Digged Digg story about it and found this picture. Seriously -- fabulous.

This might put a crimp in Veronica's shoe budget.

I'm going to miss my Daily Show, but as the daughter of a (former?) WGA member, it's pretty obvious where my sympathies lie. Writers get screwed over in Hollywood, both monetarily and in terms of general respect. Without a script, what do you have? (Don't answer that; we'll see soon enough. Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, 24-7. Shudder.)

So, two new NBC shows are up on iTunes -- Journeyman and Chuck. Confused? Don't be -- neither of them are actually produced by NBC/Universal, so Fox and Warner Bros. still gets to put 'em up there. However, this doesn't bode well for House fans -- House is an NBC/Universal productions, even if it shows on Fox. Ergo, no House on iTunes. As far as I can tell, the returning shows that won't be on iTunes this fall due to the NBC/Universal fallout are House, Heroes, The Office, 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights, and Battlestar Galactica. Am I missing any? Apparently My Name is Earl isn't an NBC/Universal production, so we might see that premiere on iTunes come Friday morning. Unfortunately, I HATE My Name is Earl, despite my enduring love for Jason Lee. If I can overlook the Scientology thing, I think I can get past the fact that his show is horribly unfunny.

Please, NBC/Universal, I just want to give you money -- why won't you take it?

I don't know who these people are who keep voting for James Spader, but if they're the same people who voted for 30 Rock, then I'm OK with it.

New Rolling Stone article by Matt Taibbi, as pointed out by talamasca. Contains my new favorite Matt Taibbi quote:

George W. Bush's war in the Mesopotamian desert was an experiment of sorts, a crude first take at his vision of a fully privatized American government. In Iraq the lines between essential government services and for-profit enterprises have been blurred to the point of absurdity -- to the point where wounded soldiers have to pay retail prices for fresh underwear, where modern-day chattel are imported from the Third World at slave wages to peel the potatoes we once assigned to grunts in KP, where private companies are guaranteed huge profits no matter how badly they fuck things up. And just maybe, reviewing this appalling history of invoicing orgies and million-dollar boondoggles, it's not so far-fetched to think that this is the way someone up there would like things run all over -- not just in Iraq but in Iowa, too, with the state police working for Corrections Corporation of America, and DHL with the contract to deliver every Christmas card. And why not? What the Bush administration has created in Iraq is a sort of paradise of perverted capitalism, where revenues are forcibly extracted from the customer by the state, and obscene profits are handed out not by the market but by an unaccountable government bureaucracy. This is the triumphant culmination of two centuries of flawed white-people thinking, a preposterous mix of authoritarian socialism and laissez-faire profiteering, with all the worst aspects of both ideologies rolled up into one pointless, supremely idiotic military adventure -- American men and women dying by the thousands, so that Karl Marx and Adam Smith can blow each other in a Middle Eastern glory hole.

to replace my old favorite Matt Taibbi quote:

With very few exceptions almost everyone who jumped onto the Don Imus pigpile was a shameless opportunist whose mind was made up years before this incident even happened, and used the occasion of a radio jock stepping in shit to robotically jerk off his constituency for a cheap buck. First of all, let's just get this out of the way: the idea that anyone in the media world gives a shit about the dignity of women, black or white, is a ridiculous joke. America's TV networks have spent the last forty years falling over each other trying to find better and more efficient ways to sell tits to the 18-to-35 demographic. They make hour-long prime-time reality dramas these days about shopping-obsessed sluts hitting each other with pocketbooks, for Christ's sake. Paris Hilton, a dumb, rich slut with a cock in her mouth, gets her own primetime show. MTV, the teenie mags, the pop music industry, they're basically all an endless parade of skinny, half-naked brainless whores selling makeup and jeans to neurotic, self-hating, weight-obsessed little girls. The idea that NBC -- the company that proudly produced 241 episodes of Baywatch, a show whose two main characters for nearly a decade were Pamela Anderson's tits -- the idea that that network was "offended" by the use of the word "ho" is beyond preposterous. Until this incident, I would have wagered very good money that "Ho" would be in the title of at least one NBC-produced reality pilot within the next ten years. You can't see that? Trivia-battling sluts in Ho-llywod Squares? An irony-for-irony's-sake callgirl-improvement show called Pimp My Ho? Would you bet real money that the Paris-and-Nicole vehicle The Simple Life wasn't originally called Whore Acres at some stage of the pre-production process? I sure as hell wouldn't. Programming decisions of the The Bachelor ilk aren't spontaneous mid-show farts by an aging drug-battered brain like the Imus deal -- they're wide-awake decisions, forged in the crucible of number-crunching corporate reflection, to use reactionary images of cheap brainless skanks to sell Fritos and pickup trucks.

The man may be vulgar, but he's a damn entertaining writer. He knows these issues inside and out, and he sees through all the crap. Now, how much of that is genuine bile, and how much is him realizing that this persona is his meal ticket, I can't say. His dad is a correspondent for Dateline NBC, so it's not as if his blood lines are pure of douchebaggery. All I know is, when I read him I am simultaneously full of righteous indignation and laughing my ass off. That's pretty much my sweet spot.

OK, so NOW I'm into Heroes. I watched the first episode, didn't do it for me. Also, Adrian Pasdar still squicks me out because of Profit. In my mind, Adrian Pasdar himself sleeps in a cardboard box. Then, saw the first half of the second ep, fell asleep. This was when they were first run. Since I didn't get hooked, I dropped it.

But now, with so many show on Hiatus, I though I'd try again. And I'm totally into it. MIlo Ventimiglia, who I'd alwys thought was just this weasely-looking drip, is actually very cute and endearing. The Indian guy? Homina homina... Ali Larter doesn't piss me off nearly as much as she often does, although there are moments where she's pushing it. And the fact that the girl who did Dot's voice in A Bug's Life grew up to be a totally hot indestructible cheerleader? I'm down with that. And also I want her hair.

I think what made me want to watch the show suddenly was seeing the guy who plays Hiro on an episode of the Sarah Silverman Program. I liked that crossover. You don't usually see people who star on a big network hit playing a grocery store clerk on a random-ass basic cable show about the most socially oblivious and mean spirited hot jewish woman in Los Angeles. Incidentally, the Silverman show is entertaining, but the jokes run out pretty fast.

I'm also trying to work my way into Jericho. It's not a very good show, but there are a couple of dangling questions that I want to see answered. I may just start doing that via recap, though, and save myself the money.

Time for sleep.

When I was 5 years old, I made a video tape that had Frosty the Snowman and the Irwin Allen two-part celebrity-studded Alice in Wonderland special (which came out on DVD about a month after I bought a boot of it -- bogus). Alice in Wonderland was absolutely awesome. I made Segev watch it the other day and he thought it was awful. Which it is. But also awesome. What beats Sherman Helmsley in a mouse costume swimming in a river of tears singing about how much he hates dogs and cats? Nothing. Except maybe Carol Channing turning into a goat. The special also scared the bejeezus out of me, with the giant roaring lightning-flashy Jabberwocky that periodically appears. But then Lloyd Bridges sings a song and everything is all better. Sigh of relief.

I held onto the tape for a long time. I had it all through college. When I made the switch over to DVD completely, it had to go -- the only cassette I still have is The Jungle Book. Well, that and the Cher-fitness workout tape. But we won't talk about that.

But the tape was such a beautiful time-capsule of TV during my childhood. Part of that capsule-effect was the advertising. Two ads in particular stood out in my memory -- they were played every Christmas, and they were both on that tape. The first is Ronald McDonald and the badly-animated deer helping up the little boy who falls while ice-skating. The second is the son-coming-home-from-college Folgers ad. And thanks to the magic of YouTube, they're both readily available.

Commercials really stick with you -- it's kind of horrifying, but true. I'll try to think up some other good ads and post them. The only thing that's springing to mind right now are the Micro-machines commercials, but that was more a marketing campaign and not any one particualr really well-crafted ad that stands out. Thinking Micro-machines for some reason makes me think of Wacky Wall-walkers, which of course makes me think of Dr. Fad, the worst show ever to run in that really early Saturday morning slot (yes, worse than the Fraggle Rock cartoon OR Alf Tales. Did you know that Alf Tales is out on DVD? That's nostalgia taken to a ridiculous level.) I looked up Dr. Fad on YouTube, but it's so bad I can't even bring myself to post anything from it. I may have to do a separate post on Saturday morning television once Gummi Bears comes out on DVD (November 14th) -- I'll rent it and see if it holds up. The theme song certainly does. It's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears. They are the GUM-MI BEARS!

I stayed up all night watching Bridezillas. Whee!

Apparently the first season is very different from the second and third seasons, so for someone who's used to what they show now, I guess these brides are extremely tame. But that's part of the humor of it -- these women totally got scammed. They were told they were going to be part of a series on powerful New York women planning high-end weddings, and it was all going to be super classy. And then it gets repackaged as BRIDEZILLAS! The most insufferable bride of all of them apparently sued. Which I guess isn't surprising. What IS surprising is that she sued for an utterly ludicrous $130 million. HA HA HA HA. This lady is hysterical. People who get the wrong leg amputated don't get $130 million. Well, given that she works at the Clinique counter at Macy's but spent $50K on a wedding (that still looked tacky as hell), I guess her concept of money is a little skewed.

Yeah, she was the source of my one real want-to-punch-her-in-the-mouth moment of the whole series. It's the week before the wedding, she's totally blown her budget, and they still haven't bought the wedding rings. So her husband-to-be suggests that they use some of the checks they've gotten as wedding gifts to pay for the rings. But this woman gets all incredulous that he would want to use "her" gifts to finance the wedding (aren't wedding gifts supposed to be for both of you, you dumb hag?), and that he should "do the right thing" and put the rings on his credit card. Does she not realize that credit cards aren't magical pieces of plastic and that the money she's so zealously hoarding now is going to end up paying just for the INTEREST on the fucking $2200 wedding rings she's insisting on buying? Yeah, that's the other thing, after the credit card thing, she starts ranting about how you're damn RIGHT the rings have to be platinum, and you best BELIEVE she wants stones that are flawless. *facepalm* Her husband looked like he was being led to the gallows through the entire wedding. But even he looked happier to be getting married than a bride from an earlier episode, who had given up any pretense of not being in it for the green card by the time the wedding day at ugly-ass Tavern on the Green rolled around -- she wouldn't let the groom TOUCH her, let alone kiss her. Like, she was literally recoiling and slapping his hand and scolding him. It was bizarre. The poor groom was so clueless.

The second season, though, was apparently a train wreck. The producers weren't happy with how well-behaved their first season brides had really been, all things considered, so they started actively fucking with stuff to try and get the brides to flip out -- sending people to spill drinks on their dresses and whatnot. Yeesh.

There was one bride who actually reminded me a little bit, both looks and personality-wise, of bigeyedem. bigeyedem has much nicer hair and boobs, and is just generally cooler. But it was still kinda bizarre.

And speaking of brides and grooms and whatnot, I think Segev and I are going to pick up our (NOT $2200!) wedding bands today. And I found out that a friend of mine who I didn't think was going to be able to come to the wedding actually IS coming now, so WOO!

in the newest issue of entertainment weekly, anderson cooper admits he's obsessed with "my super sweet sixteen" and "tiara girls".

ok, are we all now clear on his sexuality? are there still people out there unaware that he's gay?

i *heart* anderson cooper.