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seems as though everyone wants to be dick cheney these days. i'm especially horrified that the spokesman for the homeland security department can't answer questions without going into some sort of tourettes-esque rage.

(no subject)

the new york press's yearly best of new york special is always good for a few laughs. an excerpt:

BEST SUBWAY DIRECTIONS
We were waiting for a friend on the Broadway-Lafayette platform. We were also watching a disheveled old man pacing back and forth at the bottom of the stairs, muttering to himself. He'd been doing this for as long as we'd been waiting. Trains would come and go, but he paced and muttered on, staring at his feet, showing no interest in getting on any of them.

A V train pulled into the station, and as it did, an NYU student came galloping down the steps, backpack flapping. Before charging through the open doors onto the half-empty train, the kid paused by the old man.

"Hey," he asked hurriedly, "is this an F or a V?" (It's best to make sure at that station.)

The man said nothing, concentrating on his pacing.

"Excuse me?" the kid tried again, his eyes darting at the doors, which could close at any second. "This train—is it an F?"

Again the man ignored him.

"Please? Sir? Does this train go to Brooklyn?"

The old man finally stopped and looked up, staring at the kid for a second before screaming, "Raaahhhhhh!"

note: i use the david cross icon because they semi-recently named him one of the 50 most loathsome new yorkers. hee.

May Day

this is alternately hysterical and horrifying.

BEST NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAY: LOYALTY DAY, MAY 1

At first, it all seemed like just another lame internet joke:

The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as "Loyalty Day"… a day of celebration and reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation. NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2004, as Loyalty Day. I call upon all the people of the United States to join in support of this national observance. I also call upon government officials to display the flag of the United States on all government buildings on Loyalty Day.

Get it?

On May 1?

Yuk-yuk.

The purpose of the holiday, went the internet gag, was to "encourage citizens to demonstrate their commitment to our country by supporting our military, serving each other, and teaching our young people about our history and values."

Then came the punchline: It was real.

Loyalty Day will soon be appearing on a 2005 calendar near you. According to the presidential proclamation that announced its birth, Loyalty Day is meant to provide an opportunity for increased activity for the newly minted "USA Freedom Corps."

What's next? A mandatory citizen's guidebook titled Famous and Cherished Sayings of George W. Bush? Wait—we take that joke back. The last time we made a joke about "what's next," we got Operation Iraqi Freedom and the Healthy Forests Initiative.

(no subject)

does anyone know of a somewhat socially responsible bank? ok, maybe there's no such thing, but i feel like i shouldn't have my money in citibank, because they're the devil. my loans are through citibank, so there's nothing i can do about that. but my checking/savings could probably find a better home. how bad is chase manhattan in comparison? anyone hear good things about washington mutual?