My frustration today lies in a conversation that the other Maggie and I have been having -- I think it mostly boils down to narratives of victimization. I think it's perfectly acceptable to believe that no one "asks for" or deserves to get raped, no matter the circumstances, but still believe that women should take appropriate precautions in not putting themselves in dangerous circumstances. According to the main editor of Feministing, that means I am roping women into a Rape Schedule, which is an unfair thing to do since no woman ever deserves to get raped. OBVIOUSLY, but that doesn't mean that common sense shouldn't be a factor. Here's what I emailed Maggie about it:
I get what she's saying; it's unfair that we live in a world where sexual assault happens. They refer to the story about the girl who went clubbing in Hell's Kitchen, wandered off drunkenly down the West Side Highway so that her parents wouldn't find out that she was drunk, and got raped and murdered. I'm not blaming the victim at all, but it seems dumb not to take something away from that and say to your children, "This is why you DON'T GET RIP ROARING DRUNK AND STAGGER DOWN THE WEST SIDE HIGHWAY!" It's just imparting a little bit of common sense. Should all women have the right to get as drunk as they want to be, and dress how they want to dress, and walk where they want to walk? Of course. But just because you have the right to do something doesn't necessarily mean it's the smartest thing in the world to do. Honestly, I have equivalent numbers of girl and guy friends who have been physically assaulted in my neighborhood. Why is it OK for me to see where my guy friend got mugged and say to myself, "Oooh, I guess I shouldn't walk there at 3 in the morning", and not OK to say the same thing about where my female friend got mugged, because of some sort of righteous, principled indignation? Do you see what I'm saying? Or am I just being a crotchety second-wave feminist, or anti-feminist, or something? Don't let your idealism put you in harm's way, is what I'm gettin' at. I can't have a philosophical conversation with a rapist if he attacks me. I just have to do my best to avoid situations where I would be more at risk. If that makes me a sell-out, or a traitor to some sort of cause, then, OK, well, I suck.
Also I don't think that young girls flashing their tits on Girls Gone Wild videos is equivalent to sexual empowerment, and I think we need to do a better job of teaching our femaie children that you can be sex-positive and enjoy sex and make all of your own decisions about when, where, and how to have sex, and that DOESN'T mean you have to sexualize yourself at every turn just to make some point to the patriarchy. Those are my thoughts at the moment.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-04-25 04:28 am (UTC)I get what she's saying; it's unfair that we live in a world where sexual assault happens. They refer to the story about the girl who went clubbing in Hell's Kitchen, wandered off drunkenly down the West Side Highway so that her parents wouldn't find out that she was drunk, and got raped and murdered. I'm not blaming the victim at all, but it seems dumb not to take something away from that and say to your children, "This is why you DON'T GET RIP ROARING DRUNK AND STAGGER DOWN THE WEST SIDE HIGHWAY!" It's just imparting a little bit of common sense. Should all women have the right to get as drunk as they want to be, and dress how they want to dress, and walk where they want to walk? Of course. But just because you have the right to do something doesn't necessarily mean it's the smartest thing in the world to do. Honestly, I have equivalent numbers of girl and guy friends who have been physically assaulted in my neighborhood. Why is it OK for me to see where my guy friend got mugged and say to myself, "Oooh, I guess I shouldn't walk there at 3 in the morning", and not OK to say the same thing about where my female friend got mugged, because of some sort of righteous, principled indignation? Do you see what I'm saying? Or am I just being a crotchety second-wave feminist, or anti-feminist, or something? Don't let your idealism put you in harm's way, is what I'm gettin' at. I can't have a philosophical conversation with a rapist if he attacks me. I just have to do my best to avoid situations where I would be more at risk. If that makes me a sell-out, or a traitor to some sort of cause, then, OK, well, I suck.
Also I don't think that young girls flashing their tits on Girls Gone Wild videos is equivalent to sexual empowerment, and I think we need to do a better job of teaching our femaie children that you can be sex-positive and enjoy sex and make all of your own decisions about when, where, and how to have sex, and that DOESN'T mean you have to sexualize yourself at every turn just to make some point to the patriarchy. Those are my thoughts at the moment.